She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
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