why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
