If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
