how can u be prego again
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
