i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
well, you know. whores of a feather.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
