If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Randomize
