i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
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