Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
