when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Randomize
