you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
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