he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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