Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
