my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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