i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Randomize
