Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
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