My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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