omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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