Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
