Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Randomize
