Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Randomize
