shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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