This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
