Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
