I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
