Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
