But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
