If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
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