Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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