New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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