1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Randomize
