They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Randomize
