somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
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