I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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