do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
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