It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
