So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
MIDGETS
????
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
