I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
