I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
