Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
