he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
