matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
