This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
