who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
