Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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