Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Swine flu is the new snow day.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
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