dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
