I feel great
I just peed on a car
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
