We're like a lot better than the average bears
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
