i just wanna soil my oats bro
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
