??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
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