I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
