Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
