It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I have so many feelings about this burrito
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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