i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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