You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
