if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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